Friday, 23 March 2018

C Columns

Real Man's Toolbox: Thoughts on men, women and God

By Leo Hellyer



God created man (or mankind) in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. — Genesis 1:27


How does life work with men and women? Well, looking on the surface, it would appear not very well, if all you paid attention to was the media. We have heard the names— Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Michael English, Ben Vereen, Mario Batali, Steven Seagal, Matt Lauer and Harvey Weinstein — in association with men who have taken advantage of women in their lives in one way or another. Honestly, we cannot point our fingers solely at these men. This issue is much larger than just these few men. We all are going through spiritual warfare on a daily basis, and one of Satan’s favorite places to attack us is in the area of sexual integrity.


A long­term (5­-year) survey was conducted that revealed that 68 percent of Christian men, and 50 percent of pastors, view pornography regularly. After men view pornography for a period of time, they many times will turn to acting out physically on what they have seen in print or on a screen.  


God has a plan for men and women and how they are to be in relationship with each other. There are two items (in addition to the Bible) that men can put into their toolbox to live life in relationship with women in a constructive, positive, honoring way. The first is a book written by William M. Struthers titled, “Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain.” The other tool to put in your toolbox is “The Conquer Series – The Battle Plan for Purity,” which is a collection of DVD lessons. These lessons are presented by Dr. Ted Roberts, who is a former Marine fighter pilot.


Both of these tools point out that viewing pornography and living a sexually permissive life are addictions. The viewing of pornography and the acting out by taking advantage of women, objectifying women, and abusing women result in changes in the male brain that mimic the changes in the brain that take place when you use heroin. The same pleasure centers of the brain are stimulated, and the same neuropathways are established and built up.


These addictions can be overcome by facing the enemy head on and battling for our lives. The use of these two tools can bring about important life changes in men, and the women they are in relationship with. The most important tool in winning this battle for our minds and souls is the Bible. God provides us with the tools necessary to win this conflict. We have the responsibility to daily take up the “full armor of God.” In Ephesians 6:10­-20, we learn about the full armor of God. Our armor does us no good if we do not put it on and use it correctly. 


To all of the men who are reading this column, please choose carefully where you look to determine how men are to act. Do not look at all actors, athletes, politicians, business leaders or even Christian leaders. There are good and bad examples in all of these categories of men.


Ed Stetzer wrote an article for Christianity Today in 2014 that stated that “Men Treat Women with Respect.” He listed out a few ways that real men think about and treat women: Men don’t buy into the notion that women are objects. Men have enough self­-control to wait. Men respect, rather than exploit, women. Women are not images, but image bearers.  


When any of us take our eyes and minds off of God’s wisdom and direction, we get off course very quickly. It doesn’t take long for things that are clearly wrong in God’s eyes  to become gray in ours, and eventually they can become perfectly acceptable in our eyes.God is very clear about how He wants us to live in this area of our lives. Some examples include:


“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10


“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God...” — 1 Thessalonians 4:3­-5


It is time that we in the church stop pretending that sexual addictions are not present in the church. I would venture to say that sexual addictions are in every church. Addictions do not heal themselves. The first step to healing any addiction is admitting that the addiction is present. Once we admit the addiction is present, then we need to turn the addiction over to God and see how He brings about healing. We need brave men in our churches who will step up and be willing to put on the whole armor of God, and will be willing to go into a fierce battle for their own souls, as well as the souls of the other men in their body of believers.


Men, let’s not be deceived by the glitter and glam around us. Satan packages filth and death in appealing packaging. We cannot seek Satan or man for answers. God wrote the instruction manual for living on this earth, the BIBLE. We need to seek the Author if we want to find the true answers to our questions about how to live as a man.


Leo Hellyer is a non­-staff pastor with a local church and has been married to his wife Norma for 45 years. The couple volunteered with the Boise FamilyLife Ministry Team for 20 years. They are both employed by Boise Rescue Mission Ministries, Norma at City Light Home for Women & Children and Leo at River of Life Rescue Mission. Leo is also the President and Chief Firearms Instructor with Helping Hands Firearms Training LLC. If you have questions about Real Man’s Toolbox, or need other assistance, Leo maybe reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 208­-340-­5544.

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